How To Make A Superbowl More Lame - Invite Mick Jagger!

Who taught Mick Jagger to dance for God's sake?

Mick Jagger has made it to the top of Yahoo's Buzz Index. What does this tell us America? Are old rockers wanting to read more about Mick and his antics and reminisce about the olden days or are younger people wanting to find out, just who is this freak who can't dance and made a complete ass of himself at the Superbowl.

I tend to think it's the latter.

I have to agree with Jerry Doyle when he said on his program last night that Mick looks like a newborn calf trying to take his first steps when he dances. I mean what's wrong with Mick's ankles for crying out loud? They look more like hooves than feet and ankles.

I distinctly remember Mick Jagger say that if he were still singing Satisfaction at the age of 40 he would jump out a window. Well Mick, if no one has told you, your late for the train. I think you passed 40 a few decades ago.

Do us all a favor Mick, jump.

timmy

P.S. - Did ya notice how the camera never focused in on Keith Richards that much? Is this guy the most hideous lump of flesh in the universe or what? I'm sure the Budweiser folks asked ABC not to zoom in on Keith as they were afraid some of their beer patrons my vomit up cases of their wicked brew if they got a close look at death itself.

I've have a good brain teaser for you - How is the world going to know when Keith Richards is dead? Really, I thought he was dead about 15 years ago.

Anna Nicole Smith Is A Bimbo

Anna Nicole Smith made the Yahoo Buzz Index this week, who knows why.

Is she the biggest bimbo in the entire world or what? I can't believe people even pay attention to this woman. Have you heard her talk? Our friend's six-year-old daughter sounds more intelligent that sweet little Anna.

I think it's funny that oil billionaire J. Howard Marshall was bamboozled by her into giving a small part of his fortune to her. I guess J Howard had a few thrills in the last few months of his life. He must have been out of his wits though not to realize what a freak show Anna was. I guess he was just focused on her boobs. For crying out loud how could you miss them?

Anna Nicole's career started to decline after her very strange behavior at the American Music Awards in November of 2004. There was rumor that she was under the influence of drugs, but I'm sure her stupidity was just showing through that night. After all, the woman is a nutcase, anytime you see her on tv she appears like she's under the influence of something.

Well, I know one thing she's not under the influence of...That would be rational thinking or the presence of a brain stem!

God save us when we give bimbos such as Anna Nicole Smith and ounce of publicity.

I have no idea why I'm even bothering to write this, I have better things to do.

timmy

This One Isn't In Yahoo Buzz - The Digital Divide

An illustration of the digital divide not mentioned on the Yahoo Buzz Index.

I left the video store the other day and pulled up next to a family in a mini-van that must have been at the cutting edge of technology.

There they were, two kids in the back seat and mom and dad in the front. The two kids had the benefit of dual dvd players affixed to the back of mom and dad's seats. The kid behind mom's seat, while strapped in his car seat watching the dvd, was also playing a video game. To top it all off, mom was busy flapping her gums on her cell phone.

This was the perfect picture of a dysfunctional family. Was anyone talking to anyone else. What kind of stimulation were the children receiving while mom was busy yacking on the phone about something more important than the welfare of her kids?

Do we need to be so stimulated by the freakin electronic crap that so permeates our world today? Gee mom and dad why don't you throw the cell phone out the damn window and talk to your kids. They're probably going to grow up to be brats and you're going to wonder WTF is wrong with them.

My wife and I went Christmas caroling this evening with a bunch of brats from our church. It was like we were walking through our neighborhood with a bunch of rabid dogs that someone set on fire after jacking them up on Mountain Dew.

Hmm, I wonder if they were raised on dual dvd players too?

We're probably better on the other side of the divide.

timmy

Why Liberals Can't Stand Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter showed up in Yahoo's Buzz Index last week so I thought I'd voice my opinion as to why liberals hate her sooo much.

Everybody already knows why by the way, it isn't really any secret. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

No, it's not because she's brilliant. Nor is it because she has the most witty one liners that scrape the liberals like an old rusty cheese grater. One of her recent one liners was at a speech at UConn which was disrupted by a bunch of crybaby brainwashed college students and it went something like this - "If the Democrats want to stick to the middle of the road, why did they pick Ted Kennedy. Didn't he have some trouble sticking to the middle of the road?"

That was of course referring to Ted's little vehicular homicide incident at Chappaquiddick. Let's not any of us forget that.

Anyway, back to why libs hate Ann Coulter - We all know why liberals hate her, are you ready?

Because she's a babe...and they don't have anyone to put up against her, period.

Face it, liberal women are just skanky. I mean look at the women that ran NOW and the Feminist Majority (yea right) Foundation. How about Eleanor Smeal...Eeeew I don't even like the sound of her name.

I have to agree with Rush Limbaugh when he said that the only reason NOW and other feminist organizations were started was to give ugly women a voice. You know it and you can't stand it. Roll that up in your Big Bambu paper and smoke it. (Yea, like anyone has that paper anymore...except me. Look for it to show up on eBay someday)

You should read Ann Coulter's most brilliant book you might learn something.

timmy

Barbra Streisand Makes Me Want To Vomit

Yes, this hag actually made Yahoo's Buzz Index which is actually a drag because I feel obligated to write about her.

Have you been to Barbra Streisand's web site. Is that the most prissy thing you've ever seen? There she is sitting like a sweet little charming miss priss in her black dress, lace choker and bouquet of roses when she is really more like one of the thorns on those roses.

She should be sitting there with a pack of rabid Dobermans and her choker should be a spiked leather collar to more accurately represent who she is.

I don't know the outcome of the case, but she tried to sue an environmentalist photographer for taking a picture of her multi-million dollar mansion when all he was trying to do was document beach erosion along the cost of California. Here's a close up of the house.

Wait just a minute, I thought this liberal campaign financing, George Bush hating yenta loved the environmentist cause. Hey Babs, aren't you being a bit of a hypocrite here? What do you want the $50 million for anyway, to get a nose job? Don't you have enough money for that anyway?

I though you were a singer and actress, so why is your web site filled with editorial bildge instead of a promotion for your music (if that's what you call it) and acting career?

So now you are pissed because the L.A. Times fired a liberal columnist. Gee, we're really sorry Babs that the Times didn't check with you first, and W doesn't check with you on everything he does, and the photographer didn't check with you, and the Senate didn't check with you on impeaching W, and FEMA didn't check with you to find out what you wanted them to do before Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, and on and on and on.

It seems as though you have a plan for everything after the fact Ms. Streisand. You probably have a plan for taking over the world with your buddy Bill Clinton, he seems to be the only person you like.

Scuse me while I go take some Pepto, I'm feeling a bit ill.

timmy

Richard Pryor Is Dead

Bummer about Richard Pryor, he's dead. It's kind of a shame even though he was a foul mouthed dude. I grew up on his humor, maybe that's what's wrong with me.

Maybe if he hadn't have freebased so much and set himself on fire he'd still be around today.

So much talent down the drain. He'd been sick for quite some time with MS and was in pretty bad shape.

Well, I hope you learn something from this. It doesn't matter how funny you are, you shouldn't smoke crack or set yourself on fire. It's bad for your health...

timmy

I Can't Wait For The Grammy Awards, Yeah Right...

Hey everyone the Grammy Awards are comming to a TV near you on February 8th, 2006. BFD!

Why does everyone act like this is the most important event in world history every year? We get to see a buch of phony plastic face, silicon chested posers, dance across the red carpet flaunting their multi-thousand dollar wardrobes acting like they give a rip about the state of the world. Most of them don't.

Most music today makes me sick to my stomach. No message, nonsense lyrics, no talent and ripped off sampling from the tunes of the 70's and 80's.

And then there's Mariah Carey. Would someone please buy that woman a dress that fits! Does she shop in the little girls section at Target or what? I think she really weighs 300 lbs, it's all just stuffed in her dress somewhere. I'll bet she's a drinker...just has that look, know what I mean?

Let's all watch the FREAK SHOW Grammy Awards on February 8th. No thanks, I'lll watch the bathtub mold and have a glass of wine.

timmy

Lisa Kudrow - Who Gives A Crap!

Is Lisa Kudrow the most annoying actress that ever graced us here on this sphere of dirt? I mean really, I always thought she was just one espresso shy of a complete nervous breakdown.

When we used to watch her on Friends (did people really watch that show?) her upper lip would twitch as though she were just at the edge of taking a trip to the nut house. I think she was just trying to hold it together on the set so no one would find out she really couldn't act.

It is beyond me that anyone could watch that idiotic show Friends anyway. Of course I really don't know that much about Friends and Lisa Kudrow 'cause I hardly ever watched the show. Every time I just happened by it while channel surfing (a chore today because we have 100's of channels of nothing to watch) I had a nearly uncontrollable urge to poke myself with sharp objects.

I guess Lisa was perfect for that idiot show.

I'm sure most guys never watched Friends with the sound on anyway. You'll figure it out...

timmy